Nomophobia
Fear of no cell phone service, meaning you would be willing to travel only so far to meet people before slamming on the brakes when you notice youre down to just two bars reception on your phone and immediately turning the car around while saying, If they really wanted to see us they would have had their wedding in our garage!
Halitophobia
Fear of bad breath, which would result in you attending most parties wearing a fashionable gas mask, carrying several hundred Mentos to shove down peoples throats whenever they open their mouth, or insisting everyone forgo a champagne toast for glasses of chilled Listerine instead.
Scopophobia
Fear of someone staring at you, causing you to shout, What the @#%* you looking at?! across the restaurant table whenever your date looks at you with affection then concern then from an increasing distance in the back seat of the cab they hailed just for themselves.
Globophobia
Fear of balloons or balloons popping, adding an extra level of frantic pointing, bloodcurdling screaming, and desperate fleeing that usually only occurs at a kids birthday party when the clown shows up.
Fear of buttons, making it hard to dress for a night out, undress with someone new you might have met that night, or attend a job interview in anything other than a tracksuit or towel.
Pogonophobia
Fear of beards, which probably caused untold mental breakdowns at 19th century social gatherings and today causes people to say, I understand completely whenever you shriek at the sight of a hipster.
Agyrophobia
Fear of crossing the road, necessitating any social gathering youre invited to be on your side of the street. Otherwise you can spend the evening dressed in your nicest clothes, waving to other party guests from across four lanes of traffic.
Optophobia
Fear of opening your eyes, which no doubt causes you to accidentally walk into the wrong parties, unknowingly hit on your own sister at a bar, or wonder why you spend most nights out plummeting as you blindly walk off yet another ledge.
Turophobia
Fear of cheese, which would make you a disaster at every cocktail party as you grab the toothpicks and repeatedly stab the little cubes of cheddar while screaming DIE! DIE DIE DIE DIE!!! probably in front of your boss, future in-laws, or many, many cameras.
Fear of belly buttons, causing you to arrive at a beach party, see everyone in bathing suits or bikinis, throw sand in your own eyes, jump into the ocean, and keep swimming until everyone assumes the tide has dragged you out far enough that they go back to having a good time. |
Not wanting to be social isn`t the only social phobia there is. There are fears that involve cheese, eyes & even clothes
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